Today I told Martin that what I had revealed to him about Avignon a year ago was not true. When he left, in a rather discourteous hurry, he left me a feeling he had not been quite so convinced by me. I' m not sure whether it's because I am now a lawful resident of an asylum or... He keeps telling me I shouldn't be here and that this is all one big misunderstanding. But whenever I tell him the same thing he comes up with millions and billions of reasons why this is absolutely necessary and for my own good. Or when he grows tired of coming up with those, he just says the truth - that now there's no way back anyway. I thought that denying everything would be sort of a way back. A very unlikely possibility, but you have to play with what you have. Or in my case - with what I pretend not to have - a criminal past. A very involuntary criminal past, but they don't seem to care here. I hate them all.
It's not always 'hate hate hate'. Sometimes I enjoy life here. I know I would enjoy life elsewhere more, but there's some things you can do here as well as anywhere else. I'm going to do a DIY tattoo. It's very simple, Lizzie told me all about it, you just have to make little dots in your skin and fill them with ink, and just make sure the ink gets trapped under the skin before it heals again. It is impossible to get hold of a needle though, and it's driving me crazy. How on Earth am I going to make those dots then? I was thinking i could use my teeth but that's probably not the same. Janet says I could also get blood poisoning at some stage of that process but Lizzie has a few she's done herself and she's still alive. I know it because they actually told me that Lizzie is one of the people I see who are actually real, alive and ... official in every way and don't make me look like crazy when I speak with them. No, Lizzie's not a halucination, she threw up last week and nurse Irma slipped and fell over in Lizzie's vomit. Halucinations don't leave substantial vomit behind them like Lizzie does. Unless...
I know nurse Irma has a sewing kit somewhere in the desk, and I hereby announce my most important mission of the upcoming weeks - I'm going to get to that needle whatever it takes. I need to get it to make a tattoo that will say "Avignon prank", then I'll show it to Martin and I'll say that we were all just a group of young people carried away by our own conspiracy and mystification plan of making people believe we did all those things. But didn't actually do them. And it's so annoying and inconvenient that I have to come up with this plan B or C or whatever because we actually DIDN'T do it!!!!
Martin says the photographs don't look fake. That's why he won't believe me.
